The Portal-loo dimension

Is too grotesque to mention,

It’s a chemical hell encased in plastic,

To enter it seems more than drastic

But when you pull the flush

In an interdimensional porta-potty

You’ll hear a woosh and a splash

And your eyes will go dotty

And if you recover from the smell

You might find you are blind

And have arrived in a place

That’s quite hard to find


A magical land of urinal cakes

Don’t breathe in for goodness sakes

But open your eyes and look around

And ignore the squidgy, squelchy ground


Row upon row of Porta-loo blocks

I’d recommend double thick socks

Look in them and you’ll see

Not a random person having a wee

But an entrance to dimensions beyond

Here and there across the intergalactic pond


Only, be careful where to go you choose

Because all of these are public loos


From the jungle of the Amazon

To a building site on Mars

The boundaries of the Porta-loo

Extend way beyond the stars


An alien encounter

In a distant land

Be sure they’ve washed up first

Before you shake their hand

And be careful before you go hopping

To go transdimensional window shopping

And knock before you enter a Porta-loo on your tod

Because many powerful people use them,

And rumour has it

So does God!

The Porta-loo Dimension - A long funny poem about a dimension too grotesque to mention.