All cowboys can fire a gun
And dodge a bullet or two
But there’s not that many can solve a sum
Or even tie their shoe
That’s why they wear cowboy boots
And don’t know two times two
Not that this was important
In the line of cowboying
Until one day
In the Snakebite Saloon
When a very clever boy came in
His glasses gleamed in the midday sun
When through the saloon doors he swung
With a large forehead and nasal voice
To not laugh there really was not a choice
The barflies laughed till they wet themselves
Their laughter filled the room
Never had there been such a wimpy one
Inside the Snakebite saloon
But he knew that with these drunkards
He could have some fun
And where he kept his calculator
There should have been a gun
Now the time had come
For him to speak
Though his voice
Was very weak
And when he’d recovered
From the smell of wee
And cleared his head
He spoke in haughty nasal tones
And this is what he said:
“I will make your brains explode
Your eyeballs they will pop
You’ll fall down upon your knees
And beg for me to stop
I know it may sound funny
I can see you’re having a laugh
But I will do what I have said
And I’ll do it all with math”
From his pocket came sticks of coloured of chalk
And the cowboys hushed their boisterous talk
From the holster he drew his calculator and calculated
Things so fast his brain mutated
And soon the room was filled with equations
On the tables, the ceilings and even on Indians
And pi everywhere you could find
But not of the edible kind
And when he looked the cowboys were blind
And yes you guessed it
He blew their minds
Now there’s a lesson not to poo-poo
People who think they’re smarter than you
Because if you mock them and they fight back
You might just want to change your tack
Because you’ll lose and you’ll wish you hid
Like the cowboys that messed
With the Calculator Kid.
