Lord Longbottom
Was feeling quite rotten
As he dragged his bum on the floor
It followed him around
And scraped on the ground
Until it became quite sore

He cursed and he cursed
That life wasn’t fair
For him and his dangling derrière

But he kept on going
Like a trooper
Life wasn’t easy with a droopy pooper

He put it on wheels to ease pain
But it got ran over again and again

He tied it to balloons to lift it way up
But eventually all the balloons would pop

He paid someone to carry it but every time he trumped
They’d run away and his bum would get dumped

Many long years of trying did pass
But he got the right idea at last –
He wouldn’t tie it to balloons but he’d make a balloon
And inflate his bottom with helium gas!

Lord Longbottom - A funny poem about a cheeky heir who is helped by helium.