There have been many pirates
With wooden legs and arms
And other fakey body bits
That might have caused alarm

But there was one particular pirate
Who everybody knows
Because he was a trumpet player
And he played it with his nose

Now to tell his strangely nasal story
You won’t find it in the pirate books
How he came to get his name
And also
Some funny looks

It happened when the carnival left town
Their ship was followed by our pirate
And his crew would fight till the ship they owned
Even if it made them irate

With the curious carnival folk agog
They beat and bashed all through the night
Bearded ladies and a talking dog
Never had there been such a carnivorous sight

Soon things took a turn for the worse
Those carnies were crafty and cunning
He looked down and boy did he curse
Because away his nose was running

His original nose was half bitten off
By a chatty, chomping cockerspaniel
The rest it came a cropper
By a lady
With a razor
Named Danielle

Then from the hold
There came a bang
From a chest that belonged
To the big brass band

So that’s what happened to his old Hooter
And when he looked and saw his new tooter
He had a good old moan
Because where there was once a pirate’s nose
Was now the tooty end
Of someone’s old trombone

Now it might be because of this incident
Or it could be a coincidence
How his name was born
That saxophonous sounding, salty sea dog
Hooty McBlowhorn.

Hooty McBlowhorn - A long funny poem about pirate with a lot of brass.